It has been an emotional couple of days for me. I had to drive my daughter to Denver which was a seven hour drive to get to the hotel before putting her on her flight. We tried to make the best of it as we love road trips, but deep down inside I was not looking forward to saying goodbye. My daughter noticed that I wasn’t myself and some of my concerns were mentioned to her. I tried very hard to enjoy the last day I had with her but my emotions were all over the place. She was so filled of excitement and I didn’t want to bring her down by worrying about me.
If you are a mother like me who spends all of her free time with her child, it is somewhat of a loss when they leave even if its only for two and a half months. She is my best friend and the one who keeps me grounded. There is only the two of us, so you can imagine how difficult this is for me.
This morning, I took her to the airport. When it came time to check her in, I let the lady behind the counter know she was an unaccompanied minor and I requested a pass to walk her to her gate. Unfortunately, I was told a flat out no and I grew upset. It took everything within me to keep myself calm. After getting her boarding passes, we proceeded to the security check point. I stood there trying to hold back all my emotions but they got the best of me. I grabbed her and hugged her so tight while I broke down crying. Looking back now, I feel so bad I done that. I thought us as parents were supposed to be stronger than that. After hugging her for what seemed like a life time, I drew back, and she saw how upset I was. She had never seen me like that before and I could tell it concerned her a great deal. I told her I loved her and we walked away in different directions.
A few minutes later, after gathering myself, I turned around and walked back to get in line with her. A feeling came over me so strongly that I was leaving her in a situation we had not planned and I felt so bad. I didn’t want to let her go. When I walked up to her, she just gave me a “what are you doing” look. I told her I would stand with her until she got further up in line. As the line moved and we got closer, I said my goodbyes again and told her to text me when she was on the plane.
As I walked away, it was difficult to see where I was going as the tears were now flowing. I walked outside the airport and stood there for the longest time just waiting for that text to come over saying she was on the plane. Once I received the text, I was relieved she found her gate and boarded. I remained at the airport for another hour until I knew the plane had departed and it was now at a point where it was safe in flight.
I then returned to the hotel and cried the entire morning, not to mention off and on throughout the day, while I watched her flights in real-time. These strong emotions were completely unexpected and I never even saw it coming. I miss her so much and have already written her two emails. She is going to think I am crazy!
As I sit here in the quiet hotel room and write this, I am thinking how lucky I am that I have someone that makes me say goodbye so hard.