Before and after my parents were married, my father was going out on my mother. He continued to do so until I became teenager. That is when he found religion and got deep into it. After I became an adult, he left the church and started up again. The stories I heard from my mother as an adult were unbelievable!
Early on, my father had the nerve to bring his women home for my mother to cook for them. You are probably thinking what kind of woman would put up with a man like this. Well, my mother was an orphan whose parents died when she was an infant and a child. She had no place to go and no one to turn to. Her brothers and sisters, who were much older than her, had their own life and left her completely alone not really caring at all what would become of her. Not having anyone in her life and needing to feel secure with someone, my mother stayed with my father throughout the years putting up with his continuous infidelity.
Before I was born my mother had complications during labor and they were paging my father throughout the hospital to sign a consent form so she could have an emergency c-section. Well, he was nowhere to be found. Apparently, he had dropped her off at the hospital and left. She told me she remembered the doctor telling her that a c-section had to be done immediately as my heart beat was fading fast. With the little strength she had after being in labor for such a long time, she signed the consent form herself so they could proceed with the c-section. When it came time for discharge of me and my mother, my father never showed up to pick us up as he was with his other woman. My mother had to call a family friend to pick us up and take us home.
When I was in the fourth grade, I had a teacher who did not like me at all and picked on me often. She was divorced and quite mean to the kids in her class. We all referred to her as “the witch”. She kind of looked like one too. She dressed very inappropriate for a teacher who instructed such small children. She reminded me of a used up woman who still had the get up and go when it came to men.
Looking back now, I believe that my father had something going on with her. During parents day, after meeting my father, she took a shine to him in such a way that her face lit up like I had never seen before. She spoke with him for the longest time avoiding all the other parents in the room. From that day forward, she was no longer mean to me and I remember her telling me on a daily basis to tell my father hello.
Throughout the rest of elementary school, my father would attend school functions. She would make it a point to go and talk with him even though I was no longer her student. At one point, she got to know my mother as well. Fast forward 20 years when me and my mother were having lunch one day and we ran into her. She greeted us and immediately asked about my father. We told her we hadn’t seen him in years as my parents were now divorced. With that said, she turned and walked away.
During my first marriage, my father started seeing a woman at work. Since I was married and gone, I didn’t really know what was going on between my parents. One day, I took my niece to a park to play and sure enough, there was my father sitting at a table with another woman sitting right across from him. They looked quite comfortable and he was not surprised to see me at all. It was as though he was waiting for me to arrive. He knew I took my niece to the park quite often and had to know we would probably run into one another at some point. When he saw me, he quickly walked over and said “I have someone for you to meet.” I went over to the woman, shook her hand and introduced myself, and then I went on to play with my niece. My father followed and told me these words, which to this day, I have not been able to forget… “You are old enough to know that a man has needs and if he cannot get it at home, he has to go out and get it.” After hearing this, so many questions ran through my mind. Do I tell my mother or let him tell her? Did he want to get caught so that he could find another way to tell her since he was such a coward to tell her himself? How could he do this to her? Then he asked, “Are you going to tell your mother?” I told him I would have to think about it. I certainly wished now that I would have told him to tell her himself but I was in shock. He was nervous and I made him sweat it out by not telling him what I would do. I didn’t even know myself. When it came time to leave, my father and that woman stayed behind as we drove off.
Torn between what I should do, I went directly home and told my husband what had happened. He told me I had to tell my mother because she had a right to know. I thought to myself that my mother could not handle this and since she had been sick for a quite a few years, what kind of impact would this have on her health? Three days later, my husband and I went over to see my mother. I sat her down and told her. She took the news quite well and at that point, I figured maybe she had already known. Years later, she told me that the night I gave her the news, she tried to commit suicide but didn’t. My mother never got involved with another man after my father left. After all she had been through with him, she decided she was done with men completely.
In the end, my father left the country to start a new life with the other woman and later married her. I haven’t seen my father in fifteen years and doubt I ever will.