Disappointment takes away excitement

When my daughter first arrived in Greece, her father picked her up from the airport. She spent the day and night with him. When they arrived to his home, his girlfriend did not greet her well at all. In fact, she shook my daughter’s hand and then went and sat on the couch where she remained the rest of the evening. My daughter stated that the girlfriend seemed to be rather upset but she had no idea why.  She went on to say that she felt so uncomfortable and that it felt as though she had spent the evening with two complete strangers.

The next morning my daughter was so excited knowing that her father would be taking her to her aunt’s house. During their road trip of about three hours, there were a couple of toll roads and a toll bridge they had to cross. Her father complained to her that the cost was too much and that he would not be able to make trips to see her during the duration of her stay. She told me that by the time they crossed that bridge, all she wanted to do was come home. When she told me this, I could tell that all the built up excitement she had been feeling prior to this trip, was all at once taken away from her.

Why would a father do that to his daughter? He waited so long to see her and yet, he couldn’t have came up with a better excuse? I wish I could chalk it up to cultural differences,  but that wouldn’t apply here.

Posted in All about him, Blogging, Children, Daughter, Disappointment, Everyday Life, Family, Father, Parenting, relationships, Single mom, Single parent, Travel | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Saying Good-Bye – Greece Bound

It has been an emotional couple of days for me. I had to drive my daughter to Denver which was a seven hour drive to get to the hotel before putting her on her flight. We tried to make the best of it as we love road trips, but deep down inside I was not looking forward to saying goodbye. My daughter noticed that I wasn’t myself and some of my concerns were mentioned to her. I tried very hard to enjoy the last day I had with her but my emotions were all over the place. She was so filled of excitement and I didn’t want to bring her down by worrying about me.

If you are a mother like me who spends all of her free time with her child, it is somewhat of a loss when they leave even if its only for two and a half months. She is my best friend and the one who keeps me grounded. There is only the two of us, so you can imagine how difficult this is for me. 

This morning, I took her to the airport. When it came time to check her in, I let the lady behind the counter know she was an unaccompanied minor and I requested a pass to walk her to her gate. Unfortunately, I was told a flat out no and I grew upset. It took everything within me to keep myself calm. After getting her boarding passes, we proceeded to the security check point. I stood there trying to hold back all my emotions but they got the best of me. I grabbed her and hugged her so tight while I broke down crying. Looking back now, I feel so bad I done that. I thought us as parents were supposed to be stronger than that. After hugging her for what seemed like a life time, I drew back, and she saw how upset I was. She had never seen me like that before and I could tell it concerned her a great deal. I told her I loved her and we walked away in different directions.

A few minutes later, after gathering myself, I turned around and walked back to get in line with her. A feeling came over me so strongly that I was leaving her in a situation we had not planned and I felt so bad. I didn’t want to let her go. When I walked up to her, she just gave me a “what are you doing” look. I told her I would stand with her until she got further up in line. As the line moved and we got closer, I said my goodbyes again and told her to text me when she was on the plane.

As I walked away, it was difficult to see where I was going as the tears were now flowing. I walked outside the airport and stood there for the longest time just waiting for that text to come over saying she was on the plane. Once I received the text, I was relieved she found her gate and boarded. I remained at the airport for another hour until I knew the plane had departed and it was now at a point where it was safe in flight.

I then returned to the hotel and cried the entire morning, not to mention off and on throughout the day, while I watched her flights in real-time. These strong emotions were completely unexpected and I never even saw it coming. I miss her so much and have already written her two emails. She is going to think I am crazy!

As I sit here in the quiet hotel room and write this, I am thinking how lucky I am that I have someone that makes me say goodbye so hard.

Posted in Blogging, Children, Daughter, Everyday Life, life, Parenting, Single mom, Single parent, Thoughts, Travel | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

End of school year and vacation preparation

I’m so so sorry I have been absent from my blog. I have been extremely busy with my daughter. It’s literally been crazy with school year end, graduation and preparing her for her summer vacation.

During this time of year, I am trying to get my daughter finished up with school. She usually starts dragging during the last month of school each year. There is just so much that is put on them and by the time the end of the school year rolls around, they are completely exhausted. This gets me exhausted as well, and as such, I didn’t send her to school on her last day.

Besides being busy, with year end for my daughter, I have been helping her prepare for her trip overseas. It has been difficult to say the least and I have been so stressed out.  Last time I sent her to Greece, she was ten but had an escort. This time, I was not allowed to obtain one for her as Air Canada does not provide it. She had a 55 minute layover in Toronto on the scheduled ticket I had purchased for her months ago. But after worrying about it for three weeks, I called the airline only to be told that was not enough time to get her connecting flight. I was also told that if she missed her flight, she would have to stay the night at the airport because they only have one flight to Greece a day.  I was then offered a change of flight for a four hour layover for the amount of $350.00 and I jumped on it. I would pay any amount for peace of mind and that I did.

Posted in Blogging, Children, Daughter, Everyday Life, life, Parenting, relationships, Single parent, Travel | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bloom where you are Planted

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This was always a phrase that expats would use back in the day. It taught us that when you find yourself in a place where you didn’t really choose to be, and then realized you were going to stay a while, you had to welcome the change with open arms. It taught us to learn to adapt and take advantage of the opportunities in our new found country.

Well I’m no longer living in a foreign country, but I am living in another state. It was not part of the plan to come to this state from California four years ago and stay here for as long as we have. It was only supposed to be temporary and then move on again. I have always been the type of person who has never stayed in any one place too long.

Over the last few years, I knew that all this moving from place to place would eventually come to an end. I had told myself that wherever I was prior to my daughter entering high school, I would have to remain until she finished her education. It is almost like a game of musical chairs. When the music stops, that’s where you sit. That time has now come.

After what has seemed like a lifetime of thought, we have bought a house and will finally plant roots. 

I have always believed that distancing yourself from the place you grew up is the fastest way to determine what ties you have to places and whether they’re strong enough to keep you there. I’m not sure if this place is strong enough to keep me here, but I am determined to get as much out of it while I am here.

I am ready to make this home and to start new memories that will last a lifetime!

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Time Lost

I wonder what it is like to have a child and even though there is distance, to not even try to keep communication going. I often think to myself that when my daughter leaves and start her own life, I could never imagine not being in communication with her. I will email her, text her and call her every chance I get to be there for her and give her the support she needs. I would be wanting to hear how her life is going each and every day. I could not imagine my life without knowing all she is doing from the smallest things that happen in her life each day to the big accomplishments.

I guess its different for a parent who never really bonded with his child from the beginning.  There doesn’t seem to be a reason to keep communication going if you never had it in the first place. But then again, why start something up if you do not follow through?

If the truth be known, I was told many years ago when my daughter was born in Greece, that the father is not part of the child’s life until the child is five.  The reason being the child needs the mother until that age. Not knowing much about the Greek culture at the time, I believed it. It wasn’t until years later when I found out the truth.

Back in 2007, when I was getting ready to leave, he seemed very concerned about not being able to have communication with her. But as the years have went by, the truth came to light.  Follow the link below to read when he said back then…

Holding on to Hope

Posted in Children, Communication, Daughter, Everyday Life, Family, Father, Infidelity, life, Loss, Parenting, Single parent | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

To my Daughter’s Father Part II

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I wish you would have done it right and were her first love and the man who would never leave her heart.

I wish you would have been the father in her life and the one she would measure all others against.

I wish you would have been there to teach her what a father teaches his children.

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I wish you would have been there and not missed out on all those exciting moments in her life and there have been many.

I wish you would have been there to give the advice and help in understanding why things are the way they are.

I wish you would have been there to answer those difficult questions she has always had and be there to explain to her the reason for the answer given.

I wish you would have been there to share the difficult times that she has encountered in school and with friends during her childhood journey.

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I wish you would have seen her grow throughout the years into a mature young lady – one who holds firm to her beliefs and passions.

I wish you would have been there to see her off during her first day of school each year and were able to see her music performances and art shows.

I wish you would have taken the peace offering of me sharing all her days with you.

I wish you could have been there to help raise our daughter and be part of who she has become.

Maybe you couldn’t have been there in person, but you could have experienced it all through pictures and via skype.

Posted in Children, Communication, Daughter, Everyday Life, Father, life, Loss, Parenting, relationships, Single parent, Thoughts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

To my Daughter’s Father

A daughter should never have to beg

Over the years, I don’t think it has ever crossed your mind what you have put our daughter through. It hasn’t been the distance or even the fact that I brought her back with me to my home country. It has been your absence, not so much physically, but mentally.

She has had many questions throughout the years, questions that have been difficult for me to answer.  You have put me an awkward position answering her questions that were really meant for you.

The most difficult question would come from a sad voice on her birthday each and every year. She would ask, “Mom, its my Birthday, why hasn’t he texted or called to wish me a happy Birthday?”  

My response to her would usually be, that you were too busy even though I really knew the truth. I would quickly change the subject in hopes that she would forget and that usually worked but only for a while. I was always careful and would bite my tongue each and every time she asked about you in order to not make you look bad in her eyes.

I remember her waiting around and checking her phone before school, just to see if she would finally get that “Happy Birthday” text. Unfortunately, it never came and she would  hang her head down and leave for school. It was difficult having to see the sad look on her face and knowing that her day would be ruined as a result.

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Christmas was yet another time she would ask about you. She would do so when she would receive a package from her aunt (your sister) from overseas. She would ask  why you hadn’t sent anything or even called her. Once again, the subject would be changed and you remained in the clear.

Now that she is older, her questions have changed. Looking back, she now understands it was your choice to not have communication. As it is now, the excuses you are giving her are so transparent, she has no other choice.

Posted in Children, Communication, Daughter, Everyday Life, Family, Father, life, Loss, Pain, Parenting, relationships, Single parent | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments