Keeping a Journal and looking back

When my daughter returned from Greece, after her long summer there, memories of us as a family and our time together came flooding back to me. I have been in deep thought for a while now and the reason why I’ve been absent from this blog.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve kept a Journal. I have it all written on an external hard drive and I consider it my life. It describes where I’ve been and all I have been through. But it wasn’t until my daughter returned from Greece, that I decided to pull it out and start reading. I have been reading and reading about my time in Greece. I have read things that I don’t even remember going through during the last two years there  prior to leaving my husband, especially the two months prior to starting this blog.  Maybe the possible shock to my older self is due to the way I write. I write without feeling and while reading those words, it looks like I am reading someone else’s life. Reading it now, I want to tell my younger self, why in the hell are you allowing him to continue treating you this way? At the time, I was very sick. I had no family or friends and was completely alone in a foreign county. All I had was him and my daughter who I was basically taking care of alone, with a little help from her aunt. If I had been well health-wise, I know that I would have handled things differently.

When I started this blog, it was the day I had found out about his infidelity, but I never wrote about what happened prior to. This is the point I am at now while reading “my life”. I just got to it this morning and I cannot believe what I am reading.