Absolute

Ever since H affair came to light, he would say that he was always absolute in believing he would never stray. Due to the experience of it all, he says he will never be absolute again. Maybe he can no longer be absolute, since he doesn’t know himself anymore. As for those around him, being absolute is not acceptable to him either.

I don’t think that telling your spouse you will never betray them again is actually being absolute. It comes from the heart, from the love you have for that person. You realize what you have done. You see the hurt that you have caused to the one you love and feel their pain. You see the destruction that your actions caused to your marriage and the millions of pieces that lay around to be picked up. You have learned from the experience itself and in turn, you will never go there again.

All these months, H has not been able to tell me he will never betray me again. This leads me to believe, there is a very high possibility. Even though we are just co-existing here, it doesn’t mean he is free to do whatever he wants. After all, we are putting on a good front for those around us, and making sure that our daughter has no clue as what is really going on. I have asked him to tell me if he starts developing feelings for another woman and/or gets involved with someone else. I don’t feel I can go through another betrayal during the remainder of my time here. I have already felt like I’ve been thrown out with the trash, and he is just keeping me here only because he wants his daughter. He says that next time around, he hopes that he will have the courage to tell me. Last time, he never came to me even after the fact, to let me know what he had done and back then, we were “together”. Now, in the current situation we are in, I highly doubt that in the future he will be telling me anything.