“Why can’t we just wake up tomorrow and act as though nothing happened?”
After I found out about H affair, I heard this phrase from him repeatedly. Now it surfaces again. I guess through the entire process, he has not learned, nor accepted what he had done seeing it for what it is. If he had, then he wouldn’t be asking this question and he would know that it could never be. If we were to wake up one day and forget all that has happened, we would only be fooling ourselves. Speaking for myself, the pain would still be there and that can never be forgotten.
My whys? Why didn’t he just wake up the next day after I found out, and realized what he had done by showing remorse? We could have started putting this all behind us and moving on. Eventually, as time went by, it would begin feeling like none of this ever happen. Why didn’t he wake up the next day and realize he really loved me and wanted “us”? Why didn’t he keep outsiders out of our marriage all the months that followed? Keeping people in this marriage over the months, which prevented him from focusing on “us”, done more damage then the initial affair itself.
“Why couldn’t we have always have been this way towards one another all these years?”
When I heard this, I thought to myself, how textbook. To hear these words from the betrayer, when they decide to re-write marital history, is just unbelievable!
The truth of the matter is we have always gotten along. We were never the kind of couple that argued. Sure there were small disagreements but they few and far between. We never had the perfect marriage, but there was enough respect in it, which allowed us to treat one another with courtesy.
It only bothers him now, because he has blocked out all the years of our time together. I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes, not remembering how good I once had it and what my marriage was like prior to. It must be difficult to see something that once was, when you look back and see it blown to shreds.
I have visited your blog and left some comments. I can feel your pain in each and every post you wrote and can relate so much to it. I am so sorry that you have had to endure such pain from the one person you love and have always trusted.
I started a blog for similar reasons…calling it “seeking peace of mind in the blogosphere.” I share those thoughts with you and look forward to reading your insights.
this is very well written