It has been five months and ten days since I found out about my husband infidelity and it has been one year ago this month since he started the affair. Five months is a long time when you don’t see much changing in your marriage after continuous conversations. Many people who have been dealing with infidelity in their marriage for a few years will tell me that its too early to come to any conclusions as to where we might end up. Maybe that’s true, but I think its important to at least know if we are going to try to work things out together and begin our long journey to recovery.
Even though it has been a little over five months, I’m not sure I can count the last two as I had been quite sick. During the first five weeks alone, I spent most of that time in bed. I also saw a large variety of doctors all of which could not find anything wrong with me. Talk about having just about every test ran on me imaginable to man. In the end, most of the doctors just chalked this up to being stress related and told me to take a vacation. During the time of my illness, me and my husband did not talk much at all and were not really able to work on our marriage. We kind of put everything on the back burner. To be honest, I’m sure that husband was relieved in the sense that he didn’t have to deal with what he had done to our marriage or even have to hear much about it at all. He took very good care of me but would continually tell me that he didn’t look forward to the time when I would recover. He didn’t say this because he wanted me to never recover, he said it because he didn’t look forward to facing what we had been dealing with prior to.
Now that I am much better, I decided to confront my husband to see where he stands in this marriage. His failing business has taken priority over our marriage and if the truth be known and I hadn’t been sick, he would have been dealing with his business and taking yet another break from our marriage. Just this week alone, he has been focusing so much on his business that it has been difficult to carry any type of conversation with him. So what I decided to do was send him an email. At least I know he will read it even though I will never get a reply. The email I sent him had the same title as this post and was basically a summary from that devastating day. I then ask him where do we go from here? This way, I’m letting him know where we are and he can tell me what we are going to do about it. I never did receive a reply to the email, but he did tell me he read the email. The day has come and gone and there has been no further mention of it. This all tells me that I will have to approach him face to face and that might end up getting quite ugly as he tends to get very nervous about having any type of conversation regarding “us”. My life is just too important to float like this not knowing if he is going to step up to the plate.
I am so sorry to hear you are in the same situation as I am. This is all still fresh for you but I promise your thoughts will all clear up and when they do, you will see two different paths in front of you. At that point, you will be faced with a decision on which path you are going to take. If there was only one piece of advice I can give you right now, it would be to take care of yourself to get through this very difficult time.
You are right, a betrayal does scar your relationship forever. No matter how much you heal or even work towards forgiving, that scar will always be there as a reminder of what you went through.
It’s a good thing to be able to share your journey. I’m only 10 days away from the discovery day and my thoughts are such a jumble. I have felt everything you have. The morning after finding out I too recall hoping with my eyes still shut that this could please be a horrible nightmare. I did not want the sun to rise on this mess. I do believe he loves me and I do still love him. But it’s next impossible to believe that this betrayal won’t scar our relationship forever. It’s all so sad and shameful. I called and talked to the “other woman”. And then her husband called me! If I had nothing else to do this craziness would dominate my world. But there are SO MANY other things that need attention! Heaven help us all…