My husband and I have always had deep love within our relationship and throughout the time we have been together (up until his affair). After all, what type of man in this country would put up with shit from his parents all because he had married an American? And what type of American woman would move half way around the world to be with a man she just couldn’t live without? The answer is ….the type of people who love deeply. Against all odds, we fought hard to be together…..through language barrier problems, a difference in culture and most of all everyone who was against our relationship and marriage from day one. It took all we had to keep this marriage together and we both worked hard at it.
Fast forward to today. Our marriage that we had tried so hard to fight for is now tarnished by infidelity. We are no longer using all the energy we have to keep this marriage going, even though it is needed more so now than ever. Now there are other issues that have surfaced over time. A failing business is now the priority and outweighs a marriage at all costs, even one effected by infidelity. Sad that Love can only go so far until reality kicks in and life happens, causing us to focus elsewhere. Even though I may not like it, I have no choice but to wait it out.
When I look back over the months, I am amazed to see how much my husband was able to compartmentalize his life with his business, the other woman and me. Now that he only has his business and me, it seems to be very difficult for him. So much in fact that he is only able to deal with one thing at a time. For example, if there is a business issue that comes up taking a couple of weeks or longer, he has to take time off from working on the marriage because he says he cannot focus on both. Needless to say that he has taken quite some time off since I found out about the affair and that in itself causes us to not move forward like we should be. Every time he takes a break and then returns weeks later to start working on the marriage, it seems like we are back to square one starting all over again. How can a marriage survive infidelity when one partner in the relationship continues taking breaks?
We may have had a deep love throughout most of our marriage but along the way, the love changed. He is not able to fight as hard for this marriage as he did in the beginning or throughout. To be truthful here, I don’t want to do all the work like I have been doing. I have been keeping this marriage together for over a year and a half without even knowing about the affair. It has only been five months since I found out and yet I continued working on it. He chose to step out of the marriage, so why is it up to me to stick around and make this work?