One interesting thing I have come to realize about myself during that unbelievable three and a half weeks was that I was actually grieving and saying goodbye to this place and the memories we had here. I think I accomplished to do just that as I no longer see this place the same anymore. I now see it as something that once was. Something that was good and pure in my life.
During that time, I was re-evaluating our life together. What bothered me were so many things. I was going through the process of thinking about everything. Like that really nice patio table with chairs that we purchased together this past summer. We were going to use it while sitting out on our veranda, but we never did. It would have only taken an hour and two of our time. We could have sat down and really enjoyed it but we never did. There were movies that we were going to watch together and never did. Places we were going to go together, but never did. The time we could have spent together and never did.
Looking back now, I have accepted these things for what they are. I don’t think I made a mistake staying here as long as I have. This has really helped me to deal with it. Because when I go, I have already said goodbye, that will be the end of it and I will never look back. With each passing day, I realized that its not going to be that difficult. Sure it will be hard to walk away from my husband and a place I’ve called home for eight long years. But its not going to be as hard as it would have been a week ago…its getting easier. I have come to accept all it stood for at one time and now my goodbyes are complete.
Its not a matter of being sentimental now that I’m leaving a place I’ve called home for so long. Its a matter of survival and not being pulled through the gutter and reliving it everyday without the compassion from the one person who did this to me.
Current status: Leaving to the states in January
Patty Loveless – How can I help you say goodbye