Soul searching

Now that H is no longer on “that forum”, there is calmness between us. Sure we have our issues but now we no longer have to deal with our issues on top of other problems that “that forum” brought into our marriage. Plus, we no longer have to deal with his misbehaving, flirting with other women, spending all those hours in chat and taking phone calls for computer related problems. If only he would have just put all those social activities aside and concentrated on our marriage, but no, he had to bring other women into our chaotic situation to create even more conflicted between the two of us.

The calmness between me and H has allowed him to do some soul searching. He didn’t share his findings me with, but I’m sure they will come to light at a later time. The important thing is that he is finally starting to look deep within himself and hopefully, he will realize the damage he has caused to this marriage and to us. If there is one thing I wish for him, it is to learn from not only the experience itself and the consequences after the fact, but to see and feel all the pain he has repeatedly inflicted on me all these months. Maybe in his soul searching he will figure out how to fix all he has broken.

By now, I’m sure that he has realized it’s not only the calm between us that has given him the time he needs in order to do this soul searching, but it’s also due to the fact that he is no longer on “that forum”. Surely, he must be realizing that all the time and effort he put into “that forum” all those months could have been applied to our marriage and to us. I wonder if he’ll realize all this once his soul searching is complete.

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