I have been spending time on an Infidelity forum that has helped me a great deal. I read about the situations of other women and wonder how they cope. My situation is nowhere near what they are going through and even though I know the betrayal is still the same no matter how long the affair lasted, it doesn’t change the fact that we are all suffering with the pain our husbands have caused us.
My mind wonders a lot these days. Normally one would think about what they could have done to prevent their husband’s infidelity. I on the other hand, don’t think about that since there was nothing that I could have done to prevent it. After all, I was out of the country at the time.
I have read where most Infidelities occur in the work place or with a friend that the other spouse knows. I ask myself how I would have reacted if things would have been different – A notion that should take up far less thinking than it actually does, but the “what if’s” have been weighing heavily on my mind. What if H would have went out on me when I was in the country? What if it would have been with a woman during the time I was around? What if the other woman would have been a work mate and H had to see her on a daily basis? What if it would have been with a close friend – someone that we got together with on a regular basis? Or better yet, what if H would have left me for the other woman? I guess I will never know and just consider myself lucky in a way that my situation is none of the above.
For him to betray me while I was out of the country and not while I was around, surely must mean something. Even so, there is no excuse for what he has done. Pain is pain and it still remains.
Currently I am working on trying to forgive, which seems to be the most difficult part. Due to my situation, I believe it has taken me less time to move past.
I guess it’s all about living in the present, learning from my past and applying it to my future.