The dead-beat had a Skype conference with DD today. Contact with DD has died down in a major way over the last few months, hell over the last year. Even though he no longer has a cell phone, he has access to a computer 24/7, but even that doesn’t seem to motivate him enough to check on her to see what is going on in her life or to just say hi. This wouldn’t bother me much but I’m the one who has to hear her rant and rave over not hearing from him on holidays or on her birthday. If she expects any communication with him at all, she has been the one to initiate.
Today, when she was on Skype with him, she came to me and said that he wanted to talk to me. I told her to tell him I was busy as I knew what he had to say wouldn’t be worth my time. She then returned to tell me a while later that he said it was important, it was about her (Now keep in mind, I haven’t spoken to him in about a year). As I approached the laptop, I knew this would be a very short conversation on his part. He is the type of person who loves to talk while never letting anyone else get a word in edgewise and sure enough, that is exactly what happened. He started in by saying that DD had told him she got sick off some broccoli she had in school about three months ago (this goes to show you how often they actually communicate). He said that he was recently diagnosed with Irritable bowel syndrome and that it is inherited. He went on and on about different fruits he is no longer able to eat. The one sided conversation was basically all about himself. When he mentioned bananas and watermelon, I told him she eats them all the time and has never been bothered with a stomach ache of any kind. He wouldn’t let me talk and talked over me by saying I just needed to take her to the doctor to have a special test ran to rule out the problem. I just said ok and walked away. I knew that he wouldn’t let me talk anyway and he could really care less. If he really cared the first words out of his mouth would have been “Have you taken her to the doctor for a checkup – how is her health?” But instead, he just went into the “all about himself story” and then told me to take her to the doctor. Had he asked, he would have been told that she has already been to the doctor and that she is in good health.
Thanks so much for your comment. It has been a very long hard road but the planning prior to our departure has definitely paid off. My daughter and I have been doing quite well over the last few years. Her father is not in her life but contacts her every now and then. He usually contacts her through Skype but just to talk to her about himself. You are right, he is definitely missing something in his life and sadly to say he will never be able to get it back. The years that he has missed will be gone forever.
I have been playing the role of both Mother and Father and I have come to realize I can never take the place of a real Father. For now and as always, we will continue together as a team and in the end, I hope separation from her Father or lack thereof, will not have a lasting effect on her in her future.
Hey, I curiously found your blog by searching the difference of guilt vs remorse… I typically don’t like to comment online, but this is quite powerful reading material! And I have to say, you were/are very brave; given really tough options, you had the wisdom to make good choices with a long-term mindset. (At least from this 30-year-old’s point of view.) I hope you’re doing well. Best of luck to you and your daughter.
PS – H will regret his decisions, but he may never have the strength to admit he was wrong. Rambling about himself to you is a sign that he’s missing something (or more likely, someone) in his life. Too late for him, though… your turn to enjoy life now, without him!