I have been wanting to write this for a week but I have been a little down due to the holidays and knowing now that Christmas will never be the same.
My daughter informed me the Friday before Christmas that she no longer believed in Santa and that she had planned to tell me on Christmas Day. I have no idea how the conversation even came up. I asked her when it was that she stopped believing and she said a couple of weeks ago. She had been thinking about it and there was just no way Santa could travel around the world with Reindeer to deliver gifts. At that moment, my heart dropped.
All these years, we had our Christmas customs we had build together.
- Writing out her Christmas list – Every year she would write out her Christmas list to Santa and what he would bring her was the largest item on the list. Once the gift from Santa was wrapped, I would have to put the rest of that wrapping paper in the car, so it wouldn’t be seen. I usually would donate it or give it to a friend.
- Draw a Santa sign in sheet – This sign in sheet would be colorfully made and very artistic. She would put a whole lot of effort into it. This sign in sheet would be left by the cookies that we would leave out for Santa on Christmas Eve.
- Make cookies and track Santa on Christmas Eve – We would make our Christmas cookies all the while tracking Santa on the internet to see where he was. Prior to his arrival, she would go to bed.
- Santa’s arrival – I would wait up until she would fall asleep. I would then put the gifts under the tree and fill the stockings. Not to mention, I would take a bite out of a cookie and pour the milk down the drain. I would then sign the sign in sheet and hit the bed.
- Christmas morning – My daughter would get up and see that Santa signed in on her sign in sheet. She would be so excited while going to the tree to open her gift from him.
My daughter told me that she had always believed in Santa. As she was growing up, there were many times that the kids in school would tell her there was no Santa. She would always tell them, “Yes there is, because there is no way my mother can afford to buy me the gifts I receive from him.” I guess that kept her believing all these years.
As we continued our discussion, she seemed doubtful about the signature on the sign in sheet and gift. She mentioned that the signature on the sign in sheet wasn’t my writing and I told her it was. I explained to her that I wrote differently so she wouldn’t be able to tell it was me.
I then asked her if she was mad at me for lying to her (this had been a concern of mine for quite some time), and she said no. I told her I had done this for her because my parents never done for me and I wanted her to experience it. She seemed grateful, yet confused.
A while later she asked “So that means there is no Easter Bunny or tooth fairy either?” I told her no, there is not.
I then asked her, “Did you really believe that there was a real bunny hopping around and leaving a basket for you at the front door every Easter?” She said yes, she believed it for the longest time.
Sadly, it was a moment of acceptance, although difficult for the both of us.