I was just going over a post I wrote the other day where H was telling me he wanted to secure me in this country. What came to mind was my father who said the exact same thing to my mother after he left her. He was still paying her bills and supporting her because she was disabled and could not work. My father was living with the other woman at the time, but went by to see my mother every weekend. Things seemed to be going okay, although deep down, I knew it would not last. Looking back now, the guilt he must have felt over what he had done to my mother ate him up to the point where he wanted to do right by her. However, as time went by, all the promises he made of securing her and saying he would be there for her whenever she needed him, were all lies. From one day to the next, he cut her off completely. My mother had no one to turn to, but me. My brothers, who were older, didn’t care enough to be around and never knew what was going on. So I took it upon myself to support my mother the best I could. I even had to help her obtain an Attorney to divorce my father.
One day, my father came to me and told me that he believed my mother would file for a divorce. He told me that if she divorced him, she would probably get the property and if he can’t have it, he didn’t want her to have it either. It was a clear case of, If-I-can’t-have-it-then-no-one-will. He then told me of an idea he had and ran it by me. He said he could talk my mother into signing over her half of the property to me and he would do the same. I did not like that idea, especially after he told me once the divorce was final, I was to sign over the entire property back over to only him. I stood firm and told him I was not interested and would not do so. At that point, I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of person he had turned into.
As time went on, we no longer spoke much at all. His visits to my mother started becoming more frequent. Then one day he contacted me via phone telling me to line up a notary. He had convinced my mother to sign over her half of the property and he said he was ready to do the same. I reminded him that if this were done, there was no way in hell I would sign it back over to only him. In fact, I made it clear to both of them that if they signed their place over to me, I would not give it back. If my father was not going to take care of my mother, I knew I had to be the one, and with the house in my name, my mother could stay there indefinitely.
When we met that day at the notary, there were no words exchanged between me and my father. He acted as though he was doing this because he didn’t have any other choice in the matter. He was very upset and acted as though he didn’t even know me or my mother. In fact, I clearly remember him walking out of the place as though he had been among strangers.
A few months later, my mother was completely cut off from my father and she had no idea what to do. Without any source of income or a way to live, I told her that she needed to obtain an Attorney and file for a divorce. She needed money and he owed her spousal support. He couldn’t just walk away from her like that without paying the piper.
Once my father was served, the very next day, I was slapped with a lawsuit from him. He was mad at me for helping my mother obtain an Attorney to divorce him and used the excuse he was under duress at the time he signed his half of the property over to me.
It got ugly. So much in fact, that I too had to obtain an Attorney myself in order to be present during my parent’s divorce proceedings. Picture three people, a father, a mother and a daughter, each being present in divorce court, each with their own attorneys. What a sight that was. Who would have thought I would have had to be in divorce court alongside my parents with my own Attorney and I wasn’t even getting a divorce myself at the time.
The last time I saw my father was the last day in court. He had a smirk on his face as though he were getting away with something. Sure enough he did. He quit his job a short time later, so there was no way to detach his wages. I did get the house but for a price. I not only had to pay my father a large amount of money, but I also had to pay off their existing loan on the place. My mother stayed in the house but as the years passed and she got older, she moved into an apartment complex for the elderly.
I guess it goes to show, when things start going bad in a marriage that has been affected by infidelity, you can never believe the promises made by the wayward spouse. They may love their spouse to some extent and might even want to secure them, but there is always another priority that will come up, which will prevent them from doing so. As for the lies, they were there from the beginning and will continue to be there up until the end.