A couple of days ago in passing, H told me he didn’t know where we stood. Now he knows exactly how I have been feeling all these months. I have not known where we stood since the day I found out about his affair, and as the months passed, I still did not get any answers from him. He wasn’t even able to prove to me he loved or wanted me in his life, and he still cannot bring himself to do so. We are basically in the same exact place we were months ago. I have progressed in my self-healing, but as far as where we stand, we have not moved forward at all.
H cannot see how exhausted I am from everything he has put me through. I have been carrying this marriage alone for two years and I no longer have the strength to do it anymore. I am mentally exhausted. In the last month alone, H agreed to start over twice making false promises to me, of what he would do on his part to help me. Each time, I lived with the false hope of what he said, only to be let down in the end, when he didn’t follow through. I cannot go on like this.
When I told H it was over the other night, I really believed him when he said he had enough love for both of us, to make this work. However, tonight I find out different. He told me he loved me, but he doesn’t have enough love to work on our marriage. At that point, I knew it was really over. I was believing that even though my love for him had faded, that if he truly loved me, he would try to win back my love. To save what he damaged. To prove himself to me. But now I know that is not the case at all. I know it is now over, even on his part.