H was upset last night after reading a comment left by a person who replied to his comment on another post. He went on and on about it. What really got to me was when he said, “She is just crying over spilled milk and is probably just dwelling on what has happened to her.” I was actually surprised that H never used the above phrase towards me during all the crying I had been doing over the last several months. I was also confused at his reaction to her comment and couldn’t figure out why it got under his skin. It was not a personal attack of any kind. It was just a comment as to what she thought about the situation, along with a little advice for him.
Her comment was far from the above phrase he used to define it. Not knowing this person’s situation, how could H even say she was dwelling on it. We don’t know this person’s story. It could be something fresh or it could be something that she has been dealing with for years. Everyone’s situation is different. It takes time to get past a betrayal. It depends on how long the betrayal has been going on. It depends on how a person finds out or if they are told by their spouse. It depends on how a person deals with their pain and self-healing, especially if their spouse does not help them. There are a lot of contributing factors that play a large part in the healing process.
That’s when H told me, “You can see the forest behind you. You came out of it.” He said it as though he was proud of the fact that I did it all on my own. I don’t think he realizes just how dark and gloomy that forest was, and all I faced while walking through it. How I had to face those demons during those long lonely nights. The cries of fear I let out feeling so lost while thinking I was taking the wrong path. The snakes that hissed at me, which was their way of telling me, that it was all my fault for entering the forest in the first place. At times, I wished that a wild animal would swallow me up, ending it all for me, so I would no longer feel the emptiness. And all those long lonely nights, I sat in the dark wishing someone would rescue me.
Yes, I took it upon myself to walk through that forest. I had to. I couldn’t wait until H decided to walk through that forest with me, because if I had waited, that time would have never come. I had to go through it in order to become sane again; to face all that had happened. To accept it all for what it is. I know there are a lot of people out there who cannot get through that dark forest, some are still going through it, while with others, and they take a detour knowing that if they started walking through it, they would never find their way out.
I know it’s going to take me years to heal from all this, but I have already come so far. I’m to the point now where I’m not crying anymore and it is no longer haunting me as it once did. I can deal with it and talk about it. I don’t get upset like I was before. It just happened that way for me. No two experiences are exactly the same.
Just because I choose to no longer discuss it anymore, doesn’t mean I don’t have the pain each and every day – 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I have it all the time. It’s part of me. I have not healed completely from it and who knows how long it’s going to take me.
Don’t fool yourself into believing that it’s no big deal.
Don’t fool yourself into believing that I have forgiven you.
Don’t fool yourself into believing I’m over it and that my pain is gone.
You cannot compare your infidelity and betraying me like you did, as though it were spilled milk. However, you can compare it to a major earthquake that hits us here at home. This building gets flattened and we cannot move back into the building because we don’t have the money to rebuild it. You cannot compare all you’ve done to spilled milk, for if it were, it would be as easy as getting a towel and cleaning it up. It’s not that simple.