H told me I had eight months to think about all that has happened. Now, he needs time to think things through because he hasn’t had the time I’ve had. If he hasn’t been thinking about it all these months, then what the hell has he been doing? And if he hasn’t had the time to think, then what makes him think he has time now?
During the past few months, I was doing a whole lot more than just thinking. At first I was in shock wondering how could this person who I loved and trusted betray me like that. Then, I spent time dissecting my marriage, trying to figure out what lead up to his infidelity. Then the many questions came, most of which were answered without sincerity. Some of the answers he gave caused me to start blaming myself. But after he continued his blame shifting, I quickly snapped out of it realizing he was just trying to justify what he had done. As time went on, I knew he was not willing to help me or himself for that matter. He was in his own little world, trying to shield himself from seeing who he had become. I knew who he was, but still, I observed him for months with the hope that he would snap out of it. Needless to say, he is still in a very dark place right now.
H knows what he has done but he does not see it for what it is. He cannot see the devastation it has caused me, nor is he able to feel my pain. He cannot face it, much less take responsibility for it. How can a person accept what they have done to another, when they cannot see or feel the pain they have caused?
H doesn’t understand that healing after infidelity involves teamwork. For if he had, he would have been “thinking” right alongside me all these months, and working together on our healing.