If only we could fast forward time

This morning I was thinking to myself how nice it would be if we could fast forward time and get a glimpse into the future. I would really love to know where we are headed and if we actually end up making it. When it comes to the unknown future, its more then just my marriage that is a major concern for me. I have a four and a half year old daughter to think about as well.

I wonder what it will be like for her if things do not work out between her father and me. She will start school in September and will finally be settled here. I wonder how difficult it will be for her even three years down the road, if we have to return and start a new life in the states. This is the only country she has ever known and once settled, it will be difficult to uproot her.

Another thing that weighs heavily on my mind is if my husband is just buying time for the sake of our daughter, all the while knowing that if we don’t work out, I will move back to the states where he will not be seeing her much at all (if ever). I wonder if all this is just a set up on his part and he wants me to believe that he really wants this marriage, when in fact he doesn’t.

In a few years, if things make a turn for the worst, I will be faced with making the most difficult decision of my life. And here I thought the most difficult decision I had to face was if I wanted to stay in this marriage or not. For me, that is nothing compared to the decision of staying in an unhappy marriage all for the sake of my daughter, to allow her to continue her life here, or ripping her away from the only world she has ever known and from the people who love her the most.

Too bad, we cannot fast forward time to see what the future holds. If we could, it would make my decision so much easier.

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