As far as I had known, the pictures he had of the other woman was deleted off our home computer a couple of days after I found out about his affair. He deleted them right in front of me saying that he wanted to put this all behind us. Keep in mind, this was five months ago. I had no idea he still had some pictures floating around of her.
My husband carries a USB stick everywhere he goes due to the fact that it has all his business backups on it. I hadn’t checked it in about three months and after he fell asleep with his laptop on, I decided to check out the contents just for the hell of it. As I was going through the folders, I came across two pictures. One was a picture I had recognized of the other woman that he had shown me a couple days after I found out about the affair. The other picture was one I had never seen of her until now. I was furious to say the least but stopped dead in my tracks to really think this through. Now how on earth did the pictures show up on his USB stick two months after they had been deleted from our home computer? He did not have his USB stick with him at the time so there was no way he could have copied them over. I then started thinking that perhaps he had pictures of her on other systems as well. That had to be it.
I decided to play it cool and not make a big deal out of it. I deleted the pictures off his stick. Luckily at least one of the pictures ended up in his trash bin where it was still visible. Once he woke up, I told him, “I cannot believe what you have saved on your stick!”
He asked, “What?”
“Pictures of the other woman!”, I said. “You are sick! Do you carry them around with you so you can view them to remember the times you spent together?”
He was speechless for about five minutes not knowing what to say. During which time I tell him, “Try and come up with a good one this time”.
After a while he came up with, “You had me to talk to while you were away taking care of your mother and I had no one”.
At that moment, I started thinking what does this have to do with saving the pictures and I tell him so.
He then comes up with, “I had the pictures for evidence just in case her husband contacts me at a later time.”
“Evidence?,” I say. “How is this evidence when it is not a nude picture of her and her husband is in one of the pictures as well? He knew that you both were friends and would probably just think that the two of you exchanged pictures with one another. So you knew the pictures were there then?”
He said, “Yes, I had them as evidence.” <—- This was his story now and he was sticking to it.
I then tell him, ”The emails she sent you, now that would have been evidence due to what she wrote, not pictures.”
That is when he came up with, “The pictures were probably together with emails saved in the same folder and when I deleted the emails, the pictures stayed behind.”
After a while, he finally realized the pictures would have done no good as evidence. He was trying to be nice and sweet especially after I asked him how he would feel if the situation were reversed and I had pictures. At that moment, he knew exactly how I felt and then while grabbing his cell phone and asking me to watch, he deletes her cell number he had been keeping in case she were to contact him. What does this really prove? Nothing.
I guess you can say that all this caused me to become numb. Numb in the sense that I decided that I’ve had too much drama in my life to let a couple of pictures get to me. It’s not the pictures themselves that caused uproar, but rather the fact that five months down the road they surface again. To make matters worth, over the last few months, she has tried contacting him three times. I should have nipped it in the bud from the beginning, but didn’t. That was mainly due to the fact that my husband would tell me that is not how things are done in this country. Of course, after today, I have told him that next time, I am going against the beliefs here and there will be hell to pay. I just know she will try to contact him this month as it is anniversary month from when they first met face to face. How can one heal and move on when constant reminders continue coming up?
R, I don’t know how you do. Dealing with a double betrayal like you have. It must be so difficult.
Maybe the reason why your H seems like he has come around is all due to his mother’s situation. Although, I’d like to think that he is finally beginning to realize what he has done and the impact it has had on your marriage.
At the moment, I am not worried about the other woman contacting H. It was more of a concern when he was a member of the forum where they had met. However, I know that this is not the end and that he is only taking a break. He will return to the forum as he is getting a little itchy for it. Once he does, she will be there and start up again. That is when she will be a thought in our minds daily, not to mention the problems that will arise between us as a result.
What you said is so true and something I will never understand. Why would a man, who knows the impact that his betrayal has had on his wife, continues contact with the other woman?
Hang in there and thanks for posting.
Mine and your situations are very simular. Except for the fact that the other woman was MY best friend. Our families were inseperable. We vacationed together everything.
Yesterday was spent with me “helping” him. He actually was crying. He said he feels awful that the person laying next to him (me) is willing to do anything for him, will forgive him, etc and he can’t even forgive his self for what he has done to me, to us. His mother we recently had to put in a nursing home and he is having to deal with she is not in her right mind and he can’t handle seeing her the way she is. He cried about all he has done in his life, how he has hurt me, our marriage, other people, his gambling, etc. He tries to repress his thoughts and feelings. He doesn’t even know what she does for him. He feels like he is goign to crack. It scares me when he said “I never thought I would see the day that I said my child would be better off without me in his life.” You don’t understand he is a good father and our son always came first. He says this? I told him to not think that way.
I don’t know what to do about our situation. We are working on it, but he is a road block because of these problems he is having with it.
I guess what I am trying to say to you is the same thing I need to say to myself.
Why is it we have to worry about the other woman contacting them, and them talking to them? If our husbands were really into our marriages they would automatically NOT talk to them. They would be showing us that we do not ever need to worry about that person again because that person is the past.
As for here… I know he still talks to her occassionally. You have read my blog and why I allowed it at first. But, now…. I don’t know. I think I am finally coming to the realization that he isn’t ready to move forward or we would be already. She would not even be a thought in either of our minds.
I am thinking of you, saying a prayer for you.
Yes, he really did say that. As you can see, it had nothing at all to do with why the pictures were saved.
What I’ve learned is that wayward spouses tend to not think fast on their feet, especially after getting busted the first time. Conversations with them are so mentally exhausting that it takes a whole lot out of the betrayed spouse.
“You had me to talk to while you were away taking care of your mother and I had no one.”
Holy Cow! He really said that? Mind boggling the things WS’s will come up with.