Looking back on the bad dream that became my reality, it’s surprising to see how far I’ve come. I can now say that I have definitely moved beyond the frustration I felt in the early days, when my husband was not helping me with my pain nor taking responsibility for his actions.
It all seems so surreal getting through all the “I’m not in love with you but I do love you”, “I don’t see us as a couple” and mostly, “After I get through this, what if I no longer want you in my life?” These words that he said to me still echo loudly in my mind.
I remember the break downs I had and not having the comfort or understanding I needed from him. Then after being told, “You have to help yourself get over this”, I had no choice. I could no longer bare seeing myself as a person I no longer recognized or the fact that I allowed him to take part of who I stood for as a person.
Over time, I have come to accept the fact that our lives have changed completely. He has tainted our past and all we stood for as a couple. As a result, we will never be the same together as we once were, or as individuals for that matter. I also realize that I lost part of myself along the way. At times, I long for the days of what I used to be and then realize that my experience has changed me for the better. I know I will never get back that part of myself that he took from me, but in its place a new “me” has grown. I feel much stronger. I know I can get through this and anything else that comes my way.