He didn’t actually find out about it in the way I had hoped. Deep down inside, I was hoping that he would have been doing research to find information on Infidelity or something related on the subject. In fact, I was so sure he would have found my blog in this way that I wrote all about it on the page “To my husband”. Sadly, the way he found out was all my doing.
While writing on my blog, I had word press open and my blog name was showing in the minimized window. I had forgotten it open. He is quite familiar with the title of my blog as it is my user name on an infidelity forum. He came over to sit next to me and looked over to see what I was doing. When he noticed the title in the minimize window, he asked me if I had a blog. I sat there for a few seconds after closing my laptop and told him yes I did. He was shockingly surprised and was anxious to read it. He knew from the title that it was about us. At that point, I felt a sense of relief come over me and I began to cry. I was relieved that after all this time; he will finally be able to read my thoughts, while going back over what has happened between the two of us. Maybe now, he can fully understand all that I’ve been through and see how the things that he has done, has brought more pain and problems into our marriage, then just the initial affair.
I told him I will not delete my blog because this writing has been helping me in the healing process. I also explained to him how I knew that he would eventually find out about my blog and how I had been waiting around for the longest time. He was on his way out the door to go and read when I told him to begin with “To my husband”, so he will fully understand why this blog exists. He said he would and then left.
He read for quite some time but only a few of the most recent posts. I had asked him to start from the beginning and continue from there to get the full picture. But that is not what happened. During the time he was reading this blog, he seemed to be taking it quite seriously. I waited for a verbal comment from him for quite some time. However, when he finally told me anything, it was only that I was a good writer and that there were a few things he didn’t agree with. He would not tell me what he didn’t agree with though. He mentioned he wanted to read it all first and then he would comment on the blog as a whole.
I doubt that anything good will come out of this, especially after he mentioned starting his own blog with his side of the story. I told him this is not about sides; this is about facts that have occurred between the two of us and my thoughts about what has happened. I surely hope he doesn’t decide it is in his best interest to take what I wrote here and use it against me – use my own personal pain and drama to his benefit by starting another blog with what I have written.
It usually takes about two days of thinking before things start to sink in for him. So by that time, I will know what his true reaction will be about this blog. I am anxious to see if he will comment on any of the posts, and even more so, if he explains more about what took place on any given day.