Instead of…

Instead of telling her what a wonderful young lady she turned out to be, he told her he was sorry that he wasn’t there for her while she was growing up.

Instead of spending that quality time with her in conversation about those lost years, he only gave her a few seconds to respond prior to pulling into the drive.

Instead of taking the time to ask her how she was doing all those years, and if there was anything she needed, he blamed me for all those lost years.

And in those few seconds, her only reply was “It’s not too late. “

Posted in All about him, Blogging, Children, Communication, Daughter, Disappointment, Divorce, Everyday Life, Father, Greece, hope, life, Loss, Pain, Parenting, relationships, Single parent, Teenage daughter | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

She’s finally coming home

 

My daughter is currently on her way home after being in Greece all summer. I am writing this from my hotel room, while waiting for her flight to come in .

It has been a very long summer without my daughter, and I can’t wait to see her. I know she will be different and all grown up from all her experiences she had.

This summer was a summer of finding herself. Of experiencing how she fits in with the family she left behind years ago, and while doing so, she realized that things were not the same as she had remembered. Throughout the summer, there were issues that arose with her father that weren’t so pleasant. As those issues came in waves, she learned how to cope with them. She also had the opportunity to experience her generation in her home country, and realized how different the kids are there as opposed to here. It’s all part of finding yourself and I believe she just might have.

This song reminds me of her. I would sit and listen to this song on the days that I missed her most.

Now that she’s back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there’s a time to change, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey

But tell me, did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the Milky Way
To see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated?

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me
While you were looking for yourself out there?

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance
To dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way?

And tell me, did Venus blow your mind?
Was it everything you wanted to find?
And did you miss me
While you were looking for yourself out there

Posted in Blogging, Daughter, Everyday Life, Family, Greece, life, Parenting, relationships, Single parent, Teenage daughter, Thoughts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The need to speak English in Greece

English Learning language

In most places in Greece you will find locals that speak English, and some quite well. Unfortunately, my daughter is not in one of those parts of Greece.  She has been struggling with missing the English language during her time there, and has continuously been on the lookout for any English speakers. I can just picture her going about her business with one ear hearing Greek from the person she is with, while using the other ear as a radar trying to pick up any English word in the distance.

My daughter’s primary language was Greek. But me and her father decided to raise her in both languages. He would communicate in Greek with her and I would communicate in English with her. She was able to split a sentence in both languages. For example, she would be talking to me in English and then would turn to her dad and continue the conversation in Greek. She amazed me.

One day, while with her aunt, she picked up on a conversation of some tourists from the UK and began talking with them. She realized at that moment how much she missed speaking English.

My daughter is going through exactly what I went through while living in Greece. The only difference is that she is only visiting, but I can so much relate to how she is feeling.

This takes me back to the time when I felt so alone. I never had anyone to talk to and my husband at the time was always working. I missed hearing English so much, I would put on an American movie or TV show, and when I cleaned our apartment, I always kept the TV going with something in English playing in the background. Pathetic? I think not.

Its more difficult than you could ever imagine. Imagine being in a world where you hear Greek everywhere you go and if you try to communicate partly in Greek and partly in English, the person with whom you are talking to still cannot understand what you are trying to say. It gets so frustrating and even more so when your little bit of Greek is not perfect.

I really thought by now that times would have changed, but I have been told that is not the case.

Posted in Blogging, Children, Communication, Daughter, Everyday Life, Family, Greece, life, Single mom, Travel | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

When a father is absent in their daughter’s life

You always hear about how a girl who doesn’t have a father present in her life tends to go with men earlier than the average girl her age. It is said that she will always try to find someone to fill the emptiness because she never had a father around. I have spoken to quite a few women who have had a daughter that didn’t have a father in their life, and more often than not, this was not the case at all.

I had been wondering what kind of issues may arise for my daughter not having a physical or mental presence from her father in her life. I thought to myself, there must be more. So I went on line and this is what I found:

When a father is absent, whether physically or emotionally, from his daughter’s life, especially during childhood, it may seriously affect the daughter’s ability to form a strong bond with not only him, but it may have a “trickle down” effect to all the other men who will come into her life. She may find it difficult to open up to other men and even to her own father for fear that she will be abandoned or disappointed again.

When I read the above, I thought to myself, if this is the case, then it seems like having a relationships with men in her future will be even more difficult than for those of us who had a father in our lives the entire time we were growing up.  And just think, even though we did, some of us could never make a relationship work from various reasons, one being lack of trust.

Speaking for myself, I was very close to my Father and he stuck around the entire time I was growing up, and my relationships have been difficult throughout my life. So maybe, just maybe, the above only applies on a case to case basis.

For those of you who have a teenage daughter who hasn’t had her father in her life, can you tell me what the outcome is/was for her regarding any relationships she may have had with boys/men?

Posted in Blogging, Children, Daughter, Divorce, Everyday Life, Family, Father, life, Parenting, relationships, Single parent | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

She found out on Facebook and Mr. Disappointment still refused to tell her

facebook-logo-1

My daughter saw a post that her father (Mr. Disappointment) had posted on Facebook. It was a picture of him and his girlfriend and the heading read “Joined in a Civil Union”.  While on the phone,  I could tell by her voice that she was in complete shock. She asked me what that meant and I told her it sounds like they got married.  I then went on to tell her that every country is different, and therefore, it could mean something different in Greece. She then asked me why wouldn’t he tell her being that she is in Greece right now. I had no words for her and told her I did not know.

I went on line to find out what the U.S. and the E.U. consider a civil union and here is what I found:

U.S.A definition: A civil union is a legally recognized arrangement similar to marriage.

E.U. definition: Civil unions allow 2 people who live together as a couple to register their relationship with the relevant public authority in their country of residence.

Wanting to know what was going on, my daughter decided to call him to see what he had to say about it. She told him she had a question as to what he had uploaded on Facebook. On purpose, he acted as though he didn’t know what she was talking about and asked her what she saw. She went into detail of the picture and what the heading said, and then asked him what it meant. He told her to google it and find out what it means. Now, what type of response is that to give your daughter? She then told him she had already googled it and still he refused to tell her.

She went on to ask him if he had gotten married and went on to explain all the congratulations replies that she had read from his friends. And still, there was silence.

Then she asked him if his girlfriend was pregnant and it was at that point, where she finally got his attention. His reply to that was “Oh, so that’s what you’re worried about.” With that said, he told her he had to go because his boss was calling.

As if that weren’t enough, that night when Mr. Disappointment texted her good night, he told her that her step mother says good night too. My daughter was furious.

Why does he intend on keeping it from her when he put it on Facebook for the entire world to see? Is he ashamed of the situation? You would think he would be ecstatic and would want to share this news with her.

My daughter was beyond upset, but mainly hurt. While she was telling me all that had occurred during their conversation, she kept on questioning why he refused to tell her and why he didn’t want to share this news with her. I continued to hear her out and then she said, “I have a stepmother”.  I could tell she was thinking out loud while letting it all sink in.

At this point, I don’t think she really knows how to act or feel about this new development.  All I could tell her was that she will find out soon enough when she goes to spend her last week with him. I’m sure he will tell her at that time or maybe not.

I feel so bad that there is nothing I can do to comfort her. I know this is something she has to go through on her own, in order to see her father for who he truly is. Sadly, her summer spent in Greece thus far, has been mostly disappointment, and all of it coming from her father, Mr. Disappointment.

Posted in All about him, Blogging, Children, Daughter, Disappointment, Everyday Life, Family, Father, Greece, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

His reply to my email

The reply to my email (you can read it here) was not at all what I expected, nor did it make any sense.

Here is his reply:

It is exhausting enough saying one thing to another person,  the other person understanding something different and then transferring it to a third person in a totally different way so that the third person emails you back with something totally different.
Just like you said, I have made arrangements and I have made plans.
Have a nice day!
————————————————————————————————————————————-
He tells her to tell me to email him, so I do, and then he sends a reply email to me like this?!

After his reply was received, my daughter was told by her father that he would go and pick her up and take her back to Athens for her last week in Greece.

If you ask me, the guy has the money, so I don’t know why he is trying to make her life so difficult.

Posted in All about him, Blogging, Children, Communication, Daughter, Divorce, Everyday Life, Family, Father, Greece, life, Parenting, Single mom, Single parent, Travel | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

She is in his country – only an arm’s-length away

She is now in his country after four years and even though she is approximately 300 miles away from where he lives, he is using excuses as to why he cannot see her.  He had three months to plan for her arrival knowing she was going to be in his country for the entire summer.

The other day when I spoke to my daughter, she told me that her father told her to get on the bus and travel to see him for a weekend. It would take approximately 7 hours by bus due to all the stops. That would be 7 hours to Athens on a Friday and 7 hours back to Ioannina on Sunday. She told him she didn’t want to be on a bus that long and then mentioned she could always fly to see him as it would be faster. After looking up airline tickets, he told her it would be too expensive and he couldn’t afford it.

He then told her, You’re having a good time there with your aunt, so I will just see you when you come to Athens to stay with me during the last week of your time here in Greece.”

Her reply: “But I’m here in your country now.” And there was no reply on his part. 

I don’t think that was the worst though. He contacted her again yesterday and told her that if she doesn’t get on the bus to go see him, then she won’t be getting a new laptop that he had planned to get for her (apparently he can get one discounted from his job).

But what really topped it off, was when he went over all his bills with her while repeatedly telling her that he couldn’t afford to go and see her. And then he said:

“I will not be able to go and pick you up and bring you back to Athens to stay with me during your last week here in Greece, so you will have to take the bus anyway.”

Not knowing what to say, my daughter had told him that the 150 Euros he was going to pay me, which was half of the price of her extended ticket, he could just use that money to go and see her. He then told her he wanted it in writing from me. (Keep in mind, the guy’s word is not good, so who knows if he would have ever paid me).

After speaking with my daughter and hearing all that was said, I was very upset. I waiting two hours because I  wanted to be as clear as possible without saying what I really thought about the situation. Here is what I wrote him:

Good evening,

Our daughter has asked me to write you per your request. 

I have no idea how your financial situation is and at this point, it doesn’t even matter. This trip of  our daughter’s has been planned for months and you knew she was coming, but I guess you didn’t prepare for it. 

Our daughter was told by you, that you will not be picking her up from Ioannina to take her back to Athens during her last week in Greece. It is my understanding that you cannot afford the trip.  

First off, I will purchase an airline ticket for her when she is ready to head to Athens during her last week in Greece. 

Secondly, you do not have to pay back half of the $350 I paid in order to change her ticket. Instead, I would like you to use that money you would have paid, to take one trip to see her while she is in Ioannina. This way you can spend some quality time with her and take her to see her Godparents.

I’m not sure how your relationship is with your family or your personal relationship for that matter, but it is a small price to pay in order to spend time with your daughter now that she is in your country. 

From the way things are looking now, with all that is going on, and how she is feeling, who knows, this may the last time in a very long time, you will have the opportunity to see her. You have a chance to make things right and a chance for a long, lasting, loving relationship with her. Take advantage of it, and don’t miss this opportunity. 

In the future, if you need something in writing from me or you need to discuss anything regarding our daughter, email me. You don’t have to tell her to tell me. There is nothing to fear here. 

Posted in All about him, Blogging, Children, Communication, Daughter, Disappointment, Divorce, Everyday Life, Family, Father, life, Parenting, relationships, Single mom, Single parent, Travel | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment