Flying concrete on a good day

On my way home from work yesterday, I was driving on the freeway feeling pretty good about my day….

today was a good day

The traffic was not that heavy and the beauty of the day relaxed me. Off to my right side, I saw a flatbed diesel truck hauling what appeared to be a huge piece off concrete that looked like a monument of some sort.  As I continued driving, a huge piece of concrete came flying straight at me and I turned my head for fear it was going to go right through my windshield and hit me in the face. Luckily for me, it did not break through my windshield but after slamming into it, it bounced and went over my car. I can only imagine what happened to the car behind me.

A few seconds later, I took down the license plate number of the truck only to realize  later there was nothing I could really do about it. There is now a huge, round, deep, crack on my windshield right in my view.

I was going about 80 mph at the time and I know if that huge piece of concrete would have ever made it through my windshield, I would have never survived the impact.

It was still a good day.

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The urge to run again

The urge to runFive years ago, I was living off Easter candy, beer and cigarettes. It started the morning I received a call from my brother. On the other end of the phone he was crying and told me to come quickly.  At that moment I knew she probably had passed and I prepared myself for what I would find when I arrived.

It was a cold sunny morning and even though I was not dressed properly, I ran down the street to her apartment as fast as I could. I remember the cold wind on my face like it were yesterday. When I arrived, she was already gone and even though her body was still warm,  I could see the peaceful look on her face and knew she has already gone to a place she was in a hurry to get to.

As I sat there with her, there was no sense of loss as I had lost her years before. That mourning period had already passed and the woman that now lay before me was someone I once knew.  I recalled all the sacrifices I made over the last few years for her and the chains that tied me to her were now broken. The satisfaction of  being the daughter I was supposed to be for my mother had run full circle and it was now complete.

I felt a heavy weight lift off my shoulders and for the first time since I was in my early 20’s, I felt like I could go anywhere I wanted. It was a sense of freedom. Freedom like a young adult going out into the world for the very first time and the excitement of it all. I had come a cross roads in my life once again. I had no idea where I would go. All I knew is that I wanted to get as far away from there as I could.

Just recently, that urge to run again has come flooding back to me. I woke up the other day telling myself, its time to go.  The feeling came over me like my house was on fire and we had leave quickly. My thoughts were then paused by the promise I made myself regarding my daughter. I had promised that where ever we were living prior to her entering high school, I would planet roots and stay until her education was complete. I have been running with her for a while now and it is only fair to her that I stay put and finally plant those roots.

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Coming out of the woodwork


This morning I received a call from my daughter’s school stating that there were threats on social media last night about a possible school shooting today. They are taking precautions and speaking with the local authorities. At that moment, I thought to myself, she is not going to school today.  But then, I realized that this was to be expected after the recent shooting that took place in Florida.

As I go get in the car, where my daughter had currently been waiting, I give her her cell phone and tell her she will be taking it to school today. When she asked why, I told her that I received a call from her school and informed her of what was said. After hearing the short explanation, she tells me she doesn’t  think she should be going to school today.  I tell her not to worry as people tend to come out of the woodwork when things happen and this is just one of those times. I continue to tell her that they will find the person who made the threats by the end of the day.  During the time I was telling her the above,  I try and stay calm but in reality, I am worried out of my mind not really knowing the entire situation, nor feeling that I am doing the right thing.

Before she gets off the car at the bus stop, I tell her not worry, to call me if something happens and I will leave work to pick her up. I see her get on the bus completely worried while giving me the how-could-you look, as though I am sending her to the slaughter. My heart sinks from the look she gave me and it took all the strength I had to not get off the car to keep her from getting on that bus.

On the long commute to work, I hear on the radio the threats that were made last night on social media regarding two local high schools that were threatened. At that moment, I breathe a sigh of relief knowing that my daughter is not in either of those schools and her school is not a threat. I also realized that I finally have come to understand the decision I made last year when I took her out of the public school system and put her in a charter school. That was one of the best decisions I ever made for her.

I just heard on the news that earlier today they have arrested a student who made threats of one high school but they are still not sure if he is responsible for the threat on the other one. During all my worry, and in the back of my mind, I figured it would be student.

Even though the threats are still out there, there are more to come and there is nothing we can do about it. All we can do is take precautions and try and teach our children how to be alert and protect themselves. I am saddened to see how our society has evolved, and how our children have to live in such a time.  A time of having this distraction while trying to learn and focus on their future.

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Short lived Shutdown

Well after all the preparations of the upcoming shutdown and going into work on Monday for my Furlough letter, I ended up returning to work on Tuesday. Now it’s a waiting game and see what happens on February 8th. How can the Government continue to operate under a continuing resolution for two to three weeks at a time? How can any agency that is effected continue to conduct business this way? And how are we as single parents supposed to plan accordingly?

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Government Shutdown Blame Game

governmentshutdownI woke up this morning only to hear the news of the Government shutdown. Although prepared, I am now out of a job for who knows how long.

All I have been hearing is each party blaming one another for the reason why the Government has shut down. They are behaving like children, stubborn, and not seeing the broader picture. They are out of control. Do your job! Stop blaming each other and just get the job done already! You’ve had months to work out this budget. Get with the program!

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Christmas without family

The other day my daughter and I were at the mall and there was this lady with her children shopping. As her children were in the dressing room, she spoke on the phone loudly for all to hear. I thought the woman was going to have a nervous breakdown. Everyone in hearing distance just turned and looked at her as though she was going to crack at any moment.

Her side of the conversation:

“I don’t know why she is not making the sauce she needs to make and is waiting until the last minute!  She better not use the excuse she was with mom all day because I was with mom earlier and that’s why I am running behind on my errands!” 

After a brief pause, she went on:

“She is always late and will probably get there late in the morning without having the sauce made! Maybe I should just do it myself! Hell no, she is suppose to make the sauce! Okay, I will call her but I need to calm down first!

As this lady ends the call, she tells her kids to run to the check stand as they were in a hurry to leave. I couldn’t help but wonder how stressful it must be to get together with family over the holidays and how certain family members could cause so much stress to others. I could feel her frustration and my heart did go out to her. It took every ounce of energy I had not offer my help to her. I told my daughter I should have offered to make the sauce for her. Still two days later, I was wondering how their family gathering went.

I am glad my family only consists of me and my daughter. I have zero tolerance for obligation or drama. To those of you who are getting together with your families for Christmas, stay calm, this too shall pass.

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About me updated

I have written and published many “about me” pages only to go back and hit trash a day later. It just seemed like anything I would write just didn’t really explain to anyone who I was and letting a little bit about yourself out there for the world to read hasn’t come easy. So I decided to dig a little deeper and write a little more. In doing so, I believe this is as good as it gets….for now. I feel I have lost my knack for writing and may be the reason why I have been absent for a while.

Please check out the page About Me and tell me what you think. Comments are always welcome.

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